The horrific case of a young mother beating her 26-month-old infant to death in El-Ksar el Kebir (northern Morocco) on Monday was a sobering reminder of the value of gentle parenting. The use of violence and hostility towards a helpless child is a blatant breach of gentle parenting ideals, which emphasize respect, empathy, and constructive communication. Following this unfortunate tragedy, it is critical that we focus on the benefits of gentle parenting and on the development of strong and healthy connections between parents and their children.
Gentle parenting is a nurturing and compassionate approach that promotes positive comportment and fosters strong family connections. According to scientific research, this parenting style is effective in eliciting a deep, trusting relationship between parents and children, and in creating a safe and supporting home climate. With this in mind, we delve into the specific components of gentle parenting, exploring what it is, how it works, and the benefits it offers, as well as the misconceptions surrounding what it actually embodies.
Jihane Saadi, a certified psychologist and founder of Pschodev Center, works with individuals from all walks of life. In this respect, she provides her expertise regarding six common elements of gentle parenting.
1. Foundations of Gentle Parenting
At its core, gentle parenting is rooted in empathy, respect, and kindness. This positive parenthood approach recognizes the unique needs and characteristics of children, and seeks to construct a nurturing and probative terrain that helps them develop into confident and flexible individuals.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a British author and parent of four, is recognized as the pioneer of the gentle parenting movement. She has authored 13 books on the “gentle” philosophy of parenting, which advocates a nurturing approach to child-rearing. Despite lacking a background in pediatrics or neuroscience, Ockwell-Smith’s ideas have gained immense popularity, as evidenced by the 3.7 billion TikTok views for the hashtag #gentleparenting. This method has gained traction through social media, fueled by growing psychological research on effective ways to promote children’s well-being and positive relationships with caregivers.
According to Dr. Jihane Saadi, gentle parenting is about being a compassionate and genuine parent. It’s an approach that emphasizes the crucial aspect of parents dealing with their own feelings in a caring and compassionate manner. When parents have processed these emotions as a prerequisite to their interpersonal exchanges, it enables them to provide the same forum for their children to explore and express their feelings, thus resulting in a healthy and authentic connection.
2. Benefits of Gentle Parenting for Children and Parents
Gentle parenthood has numerous benefits for both children and parents. Research has shown that children who are raised with empathy, respect, and kindness are more likely to have positive social and emotional outcomes, including increased self-esteem, a higher degree of socially acceptable behavior, and improved mental health.
Dr. Saadi states that the benefits of gentle parenting for both children and parents can include the generation of a positive and nurturing home environment specifically by promoting self- regulation, more open communication, healthy bonding, and genuine connections.
She added that this approach can help children develop healthy self-esteem and social skills. For example, as a gentle parent, one can easily validate the child’s feelings by providing comfort and support; therefore, furnishing a secure climate for open communication is imperative. She indicates that utilizing strategies which increase communication de-escalates tension, lessens both the frequency and severity of disputes, and creates an overall genuine sense of well-being.
3. Operative Strategies for Gentle Parenting Children With Special Needs
Gentle parenting can be an effective approach in particular for children with special needs and challenging behaviors. By focusing on empathy and respect, parents can produce a safe and nurturing home environment which enables these children to thrive. In this section, we outline effective strategies for applying gentle parenting when dealing with challenging behaviors and special needs.
Saadi clarified that it should be kept in mind that the impact of gentle parenting on children exhibiting behavioral issues and necessitating special requirements isn’t uniform and differs from one child to the next. By individualizing the approach to suit each child’s unique needs, we can facilitate better outcomes. The critical factor is in the adaptation of a personalized approach which prioritizes alignment of the child’s needs with the capacity of the parents’ resources, which–when it occurs–tends to yield the most favorable outcomes.
4. Overcoming Obstacles to Gentle Parenting
While gentle parenting can be effective, it isn’t always easy. Parents may face challenges such as dealing with frustration and the stress of managing sensitive situations with their children. In this section, we explore some of the common challenges of gentle parenting and provide useful input on how to overcome them with our featured psychologist.
“One of the biggest challenges of gentle parenting is for parents who have difficulties regulating their own emotions, particularly those who have endured trauma.” She further emphasized, “Overcoming these challenges involves therapy, mindfulness, and self- awareness to better understand and regulate their feelings.”
For example, if one endured neglect or abuse as a child, (s)he might struggle with expressing feelings in a healthy manner. Seeking therapy and increasing self-awareness can help one learn to be gentle with oneself and in maintaining a healthy relationship with one’s children.
5. Clearing Up Misconceptions About Gentle Parenting
There are numerous misconceptions about gentle parenting, including that it is overly permissive (which, by the way embodies another parenting style), or, worse yet, ineffective. Still, research has shown that gentle parenting is a fruitful approach which promotes positive behavior and fosters strong family relationships.
So, what are some common misconceptions about gentle parenting, and how can they be addressed? Jihane responded, “Here in Morocco, we are not known to be gentle or have a big space for emotions, as interpretations depend on each society.” She proceeded to elaborate that gentle parenting might be seen as a sign of weakness in some societies, and that parents who practice it might be judged for being too permissive or over-indulgent with their children. She went on to counter, however, in retorting, “Gentleness and kindness are precisely what we need in today’s society, especially when it comes to this generation of children.”
“The biggest misconception about gentle parenting is the idea that it involves giving children too much space. In reality, it’s crucial for both parents and children to have their own space and for parents to be gentle in guiding their children towards appropriate behaviors and limits,” she concluded.
6. Applying Gentle Parenthood Strategies in Daily Life
To effectively implement gentle parenting strategies, parents must understand the principles behind this approach and how to incorporate them into their daily lives. In the final part of this selection, we deliver useful tips for parents looking to incorporate gentle parenting strategies into their everyday interactions with their children, including guidelines for positive discipline, active listening, and provisions for recognizing and capitalizing on emotional intelligence. Saadi provides some practical tips and strategies for parents who wish to apply gentle parenting in their everyday lives.
In providing her expertise regarding the actual implementation of this parenting style, she argues, “First and foremost, parents should learn to be gentle with themselves. It’s important to learn how to soothe yourself and become aware of patterns of your own situational reactivity before reacting automatically. For example, rather than immediately yelling or getting angry in response to a situation, take a moment to process what is happening and respond courteously. Second, offer space to your children. For example, if your child is feeling angry, give them the space they need to decompress. However, make sure to follow up with a conversation, the purpose of which is to reveal their needs. Third, validate their feelings relating to those perceived needs. In cases where the child appears to be agitated or frightened, inquire as to how they would like you to console them. Finally, admit your humanity. Apologize if you were unfair in your interactions or if you became visibly angry. This helps to foster a stronger bond between parent and child and shows that parents are indeed falliable.
Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma: A Father’s Journey to Break Free from His Past
The power of therapy is evident. We can see the transformative impact that therapy and gentle parenting can have on breaking free from the patterns of generational trauma. Therapy provides a safe haven from the emotions and experiences that have been passed down through generations, while gentle parenting helps in building a stronger connection with children based on mutual respect and empathy.
By learning to communicate and respond to the child’s needs in a nurturing and supportive way, parents are able to break the cycle of trauma and create a positive environment more conducive to healthy familial relationships. Saadi added, “I have noticed that many of the parents I have worked with struggle with their parenting approach. Often, their relationship with their children triggers memories from their own childhood that they may not be aware of. Despite their desire to parent differently from their own upbringing, they find themselves repeating the same patterns and behaviors simply because it is all they know. It is important to address these past experiences and help parents to understand that these experiences do not define who they are.”
She illustrated her insights with an actual patient in revealing, “I recently worked with a father whose daughter was experiencing school anxiety, particularly with exams and grades, despite being academically gifted. During our session, I discovered that the father was subconsciously mimicking his own strict and intense father, therefore perpetuating a cycle of negative parenting. It is crucial to break free from these patterns and explore new, healthier approaches to parenting.” After multiple sessions, we believe that the father will be able to cut the link with the past and initiate a new parenting journey resilient to this learned behavior.”
In conclusion, by seeking to understand and to implement gentle parenting strategies, parents can produce a safe and supportive milieu that helps their children grow into confident and flexible individuals.